Exploiting the Archives Week: 14 Reasons Iron Man is the best Avenger

Metal face

Metal face

Nathan Rabin's Happy Place (or rather, Nathan Rabin) is taking the week between Christmas and New Year's Off to prevent him from going insane (seriously, dude is on the edge! Writing about himself in the third person and everything). So the next week will be Exploiting the Archives week, where we'll be running some of our favorite pieces from the year that was.

Iron Man isn’t just awesome: he’s the most awesome Avenger. Let’s face it: he’s pretty much the best. Want to know the reason why? How about fourteen of them? 

1. He’s Fucking Awesome

Whether it’s the gizmos, the girls or the wisecracks, there’s only one word for Iron Man: fucking awesome. 

2. He just fucking is

Wait, we kind of boxed ourselves in with the whole “only one word for Iron Man” and fourteen entry thing, didn’t we? But Iron Man’s cool, right? 

3. Accept it, okay?

We can all agree about that. 

4. Uh, he’s got the best weapons?

To be brutally honest, I’m not much of a comic book fan, but Iron Man’s alter-ego is a defense contractor, right? So he’s got rockets and missiles and a bunch of pretty cool weapons the other Avengers probably don’t. 

Not sure what this is but it looks cool I guess?

Not sure what this is but it looks cool I guess?

5. Fuck this is hard

Why did I agree to 14 entries? This isn’t exactly the deepest or juiciest topic in the world. 

6. He’s the leader of the Avengers

That’s gotta count for something right?

7. He’s banging Pepper Potts, right? 

Sure, Gwyneth Paltrow is annoying, but she’s hot, right? So the fact that Iron Man is banging her is a real feather in his cap, at least far as this list is concerned. 

I wanna Goop, baby

I wanna Goop, baby

8. Tony Stark seems pretty cool I guess

He’s got a soul patch, right? But he can kind of pull it off? Or like a weird soul patch/goatee/mustache dealie?

9. Robert Downey Jr. is a good actor

He is, isn’t he? Didn’t he win an Academy Award? 

10. Tony Stark seems cool

Here’s a list for you: Lists I regret writing: 1. this one 

11. There’s the Ghostface Killah thing, right? 

One of Ghostface’s alter-egos is Tony Stark. That justifies an entry, right? 

12. Fuck

Too late to pull the plug on this thing now, huh? 

13. Jeff Bridges is his dad, right, that’s cool? 

Actually, I might be confusing this with Antman. 

14. In conclusion, Iron Man is the best Avenger

I did it! I mounted an elegantly reasoned argument and supported it with compelling and convincing examples. Suck my clicks, haters! 

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