WARNING! Read This Before Getting Excited About the Rise of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Boo urns! 

Boo urns! 

Like many Democrats, I am deeply disturbed by the rise of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a 28 year old Latina woman who shocked the political establishment by defeating New York Representative Joe Crowley, who had been serving in the legislature for two decades.  

Ocasio-Cortez has been send shockwaves throughout the political landscape. She’s getting people worked up and excited, and I shouldn’t have to tell you this but a politician getting people excited is a very bad thing. A very, very bad thing. First, a reckless young Commie is getting young people excited about the political process and optimistic about reshaping a corrupt and dispiriting political landscape to more closely resemble their own ideals. The next thing you know, all these Socialistic political thrill seekers are smoking reefer sticks, holding “key parties” where they swap wives and purposefully choosing not to see Marvel or Star Wars movies, effectively crippling our economy in the process. 

So if you think there’s no harm in voting for a Socialist, and that it’s something you can do just one time without getting addicted, think again. It’s not just an unconscionable folly that, unlike capitalism, doesn’t make everyone happy all the time. No, it’s a gateway to even more extreme, destructive limit-testing anti-social behaviors. 

Look at this sick twist getting people excited about the electoral process! 

Look at this sick twist getting people excited about the electoral process! 

You do not vote for a Democratic candidate because they inspire you with their rhetoric and sense that the world can be a better, more hopeful place. That shit went out with Obama. He was like a unicorn.

No, you vote for the Democrat because their politics more closely align with your own and they seem more blandly qualified for whatever position they’re running for than their opponent. That (D) next to a name on a ballot says you’ll vote for them out of a grudging sense of obligation and party loyalty, but you probably won’t feel good about it.

We are a big tent of a party, albeit one where the nicest seats are invariably reserved for well-heeled white men because, c’mon, we’re also the party of huge corporations, although not quite to the extent the Republicans are.

If Trump’s election proved anything, it’s that the big business-dominated, billionaire-friendly corporate two-party system and electoral college are working just fine and do not need to be radically reconsidered, restructured or even abandoned. Now is not the time to become enthralled by “New ideas” or “alternate ways of thinking considered .” It’s the time to double down on being a middle of the road party fighting daily assaults on democracy and human decency with weak-willed conciliation and tepid rhetoric. 

Joe Lieberman? More like JERK Loserman! 

Joe Lieberman? More like JERK Loserman! 

Before you embrace this dangerous young woman and her terrifying charisma, ask yourself this: have Socialist governments historically been utopias? The answer, I’m afraid I have to inform you, comrade, is a great big no. Nope, unlike capitalist societies, socialist countries have problems. Big problems. If you were to spend any time in one when you came back to the good old USA, you’d kiss the ground in gratitude for living in a culture that has achieved perfection, and not through some insane, unproven stunt like “collectivism.” 

Ask yourself this: would you really want to live in a United States where our richest billionaires paid their fair share in taxes? Would you want your children to grow up in a grim dystopia where the corporate tax rate is increased modestly instead of being dramatically decreased under Trump? I certainly wouldn’t and Our Lady of Socialism would undoubtedly welcome this waking, unAmerican nightmare as some kind of “progress.” I agree, but only in the sense that insane maneuvers like that would progressively make our fragile nation look more and more like Communist Russia every day.  

Ocasio-Cortez loves Soviet-style Communism so much that she gay-married it. Do you think mainstream voters, Obama voters, Hillary Clinton voters, are going to embrace someone like that, who is in a homosexual relationship with a failed foreign dictatorship that they demand be recognized by the state? 

Should Ocasio-Cortez get elected I hope she is nicer, and more respectful, to the President than her predecessor. 

Should Ocasio-Cortez get elected I hope she is nicer, and more respectful, to the President than her predecessor. 

We boring white men of the Democratic Party must man-explain, or “mansplain” to Ocasio-Cortez that her crazy, extreme ideas about livable wages and universal healthcare will never work and have no place in mainstream American political discourse, unlike the comparatively sane and modest proposals of Donald Trump.

We must listen to the cowardly words of caution  of people like James Comey and Joseph Lieberman, who may not actually be Democrats, but represent the lily-livered cowardice of the Democratic establishment all the same.

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We Democrats have a reputation for cowardice and compromise to protect. Ocasio-Cortez’s bold, exciting, and ultimately deeply terrifying rise threatens that deeply pragmatic lack of principle and that is why she must be stopped before she infects the whole party with her dastardly youth, energy and idealism, none of which have any place in the contemporary Democratic party. 

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