Why I Don't Think the Mueller Report Will Change Anything


In a Pollyanna-like burst of delusional faith in the fundamental decency of humanity, I naively assumed that when tape was released of Trump saying “You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything” and the Celebrity Apprentice host acknowledged its legitimacy it meant that the awful, unfathomably successful experiment of Trump running for President as the official nominee of the Republican Party was doomed to failure. 

Greatly over-estimating Trump’s capacity for shame, I assumed that he’d drop out in disgrace, and if he did not, then women disgusted by what Trump tried to pass off as mere “locker room” would ensure that Trump was defeated by a historic margin, ushering in the era of our first female President. 

When Trump didn’t drop out and then won the presidency in part by decisively beating Hillary Clinton with white female voters I lost pretty much all faith in voters and the American political system. 


If Trump could get away with bragging about grabbing women by the pussy, then I assumed that he could get away with just about anything. When Trump bragged “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody" and not "lose any voters” he was being hyperbolic, exaggerating his popularity and the forgiveness of his voters to a comic degree. Now that just seems like a simple statement of fact. 

I wrote in his blog not too long ago about how frustrating it is to read article after article predicting Trump’s imminent doom and disgrace after some colossal mistake or other, only for him to skate by disaster after disaster with little to no damage to his popularity with hiss voters. 

Fellow members of the Resistance have pinned their hopes on Robert Mueller. He has emerged as a hero of the anti-Trump movement, a Dick Tracy-straight lawman and man of impeccable moral character who would finally do his nation the incredible service of bringing down Trump for his endless series of crimes. 


When he got the gig to investigate the President, Mueller became a cult figure, a white knight called upon to slay the dragon and bring order and decency back to the kingdom. We’ve collectively put a lot of faith and belief into Mueller. He has become a vessel for our hopes, a symbol of all that’s right about our country confronting all that’s wrong. 

I have faith that Mueller is a good, moral, professional man. But I have absolutely no faith in his ability to bring down Trump. I fear that the Mueller Report will tell us what we already know: that Trump is an astonishingly unethical and amoral businessman and leader. But I fear that Mueller will determine that while ragingly unethical, Trump’s actions don’t meet the level needed to pursue impeachment or bring criminal charges. 

Trump will insist that even the greatest, most unfair witch hunt in history, a deranged quest for blood conducted by a ragingly partisan, um, lifelong Republican, had yielded nothing serious, completely vindicating him in every conceivable sense and things will chug along terribly as they did before, only with a great hope of the Resistance gone and Trump feeling exonerated. 

I hope to fucking God I’m wrong. I would be overjoyed if the Mueller Report led to Trump doing a perp walk and then spending the rest of his life in prison for his many crimes. But I just can’t see that happening. In fact, I still think that Trump will coast to reelection. 


Trump was elected on the promise that he would improve the economy for billionaires by making things better for the ultra-rich and keep down minorities. He’s largely kept that promise .

Mueller will not save us from ourselves and our astonishingly insane decision to elect Donald Trump president. If we repeat that mistake in 2020 it’ll be open to question whether we even deserve to be saved. 

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