Virginia AND Michael Madsen Are Among the Many Actors Wasted in the Inexplicably Star-Studded 1999 Snoozer The Florentine
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There is a Mr. Show sketch that has taken up valuable real estate in my mind about a fictional malady called Imminent Death Syndrome. The idea is that sufferers have a very short time to live but don’t know it. Other people are all too aware of the very short life spans of IDS sufferers so that they do everything in their power to make the doomed soul’s few remaining moments on Earth as pleasurable and satisfying as possible.
Sometimes I’ll watch a movie that has seemingly nothing going for it that has nevertheless attracted a staggering array of onscreen talent. It makes me wonder if the filmmakers have Imminent Death Syndrome and kind-hearted, indulgent actors agreed to be in their film not because the material spoke to them or because the script was any good but rather because the mother of the IDS sufferer called them up beforehand and hipped them to the tragic situation and got them to very generously donate their time and energy to a lost, worthy cause.
Imminent Death Syndrome seems like the only plausible explanation for the abundance of famous faces and big to medium sized names in the wildly overqualified cast of 1999’s The Florentine.
The Florentine’s cast features BOTH actors whose complete filmographies I am currently in the process of writing up. It has Virginia Madsen, whose life’s work I have been covering for this column and this website as well as James Belushi, whose back pages I am in the process of exploring for my Substack newsletter Nathan Rabin’s Bad Ideas.
But that’s not all! The Florentine also stars Virginia Madsen’s brother Michael as a salt of the earth bartender who owns the titular bar. Virginia and Michael Madsen haven’t been in too many films together which makes this one a wasted opportunity.
For reasons I cannot begin to fathom this sleep-inducing working class drama also attracted the services of Jeremy Davies, Christopher Penn (who also produced), Luke Perry, Tom Sizemore, Mary Stuart Masterson, Hal Holbrook, the late Burt Young (who ironically only became famous when he seemed quite old), the aforementioned James Belushi, Lillo Brancato and Jill Hennessy.
But the biggest, most impressive name in the credits never appears on-screen. That’s because Francis Ford Coppola Executive Produced The Florentine through his American Zoetrope production company.
I suspect that the actors were told that this was the most personal project of Coppola’s career, one that was way more important to him than either The Godfather or Apocalypse Now. They were obviously told that Coppola would consequently be on-set 24/7, hand-making wine and dinners for the cast and crew and script-doctoring and ghost-directing every scene. Furthermore, whenever the legendary filmmaker was impressed with a take he was supposed to joyously enthuse, “Mamma Mia! That’s good filmmaking!”
Then, when they got onset hoping to work with Coppola every day they were brusquely informed that Coppola wasn’t even aware The Florentine existed, as his assistant got him attached as Executive Producer as a cruel prank.
But by that point they were already locked in so they had no choice but to go through with it even though The Florentine is a uniquely forgettable combination of boring and painfully earnest.
The Florentine follows a broad cross-section of ordinary people played by famous actors in the days leading up to the wedding of Molly (Virginia Madsen) who is getting betrothed to pretty much the only non-famous person in the cast.
Penn plays Bobby, a bookie whose gambling addiction gets him involved with some shady types while Madsen and Tom Sizemore are cast against type as, respectively, “Whitey”, a bleached blonde bartender and barroom philosopher who discourses on weighty matters in a razorblade rasp and Teddy, a no account ex-boyfriend of Molly’s who ambles back into town at the worst possible time.
Luke Perry plays Frankie, a neighborhood fuck up who a con man played by James Belushi takes an interest in conning. He sees in the gullible young man the kind of sucker who keeps his wallet fat and his criminal business thriving.
Hal Holbrook plays an old barfly with all manner of secrets and regrets while Jeremy Davies plays an intense, moderately creepy cemetery worker who develops a crush on a pretty waitress.
The Florentine follows its poorly defined roster of ordinary schmoes as they go about the banal drama and meager comedy of everyday life.
I still think that the writers and directors of The Florentine had Imminent Death Syndrome. I also genuinely believe that they wildly over-sold Francis Ford Coppola’s involvement in order to trick the actors.
But it’s also apparent that the film attracted the cast that it did because it’s full of monologues that aren’t good but are flashy.
The Florentine gives its cast an opportunity to not just act but to ACT, to be passionate thespians articulating the pain and angst of the noble working class.
Nevertheless, if I could ask the cast of The Florentine one thing and one thing only, it would be “Why are you in this movie? It’s so boring. You could be doing something else, anything else. Why not do that instead?”
It’s not as if anyone did it for the money, either, since this looks like it was made for what most studio films would spend on craft services on the first day.
The cast is perfectly fine. You give Hal Holbrook a big speech and he will nail it because he is a consummate professional but that does not mean that this was a wise use of the poor man’s limited time on earth.
The Florentine is the only screenwriting credit for Tom Benson and Damien Gray. This leads me to believe that they both had Imminent Death Syndrome and died shortly after the film finished shooting.
Since I’m sure these men are no longer with us I am under no obligation to pretend that they are extremely talented or that their movie wasn’t a waste of everyone’s time, mine included.
I can be honest about the film’s many shortcomings now that its screenwriters are undoubtedly in the loving arms of their lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
The Florentine is yet another example of Virginia Madsen squandering her extraordinary talent on a project that is utterly unworthy of her but she at least has plenty of company in that respect, and it’s all pretty damn distinguished, beginning with a grizzled older brother she didn’t get to act alongside much despite them both being very prolific character actors. Stinkers like The Florentine suggest that they might just be a little too prolific for their own good.
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