Best of 2023: Why Are Conservatives Like Matt Walsh Obsessed with Childless Women?

I’m fascinated by how seemingly the entirety of the far right seems personally offended, if not downright wounded, by women like Chelsea Handler choosing not to have children and then making intentional childlessness part of their persona. 

Matt Walsh, for example, responded to a tweet of the popular comedian living her life and being herself with a bitter reply ranting, “Nothing more pathetic than the coping done by a childless woman pushing 50. She could have had kids and still be doing basically whatever she wants with her life today. Kids aren’t toddlers forever. She could have her “freedom” and a family. Instead she’ll die alone.” 

Why does Walsh care about whether or not a comedian he despises procreates or not? What does it matter to him? Why is he so invested in the state of Handler’s womb? What the fuck is wrong with him? Why does he care?

The answer, of course, has a lot to do with old school, knuckle-dragging caveman sexism. Rank misogynists like Walsh think that every woman’s destiny is to have children and become a mother. 

THAT is what they think women were put on earth to do and if they fail to realize their destiny then by definition they will be miserable and unfulfilled. 

For the Matt Walshes of the world there is a clear cut natural order. Women who are not Jezebels MUST practice monogamy and get married and start having children while still in their mid-twenties. 

Then they can happily, joyously sacrifice their own needs, desires and freedom so that they can spend the best, most productive years of their lives devoting much of their energies caring for their husband and as many blessings as God will grant them. 

That way women can become grandmothers and great grandmothers and not waste their precious time or energy pursuing their own dreams. Dreams are for men, after all. Selfless sacrifice is the only way women can possibly hope to achieve even a sliver of happiness in our society.

To men like this, Handler and women like her are needlessly upsetting the natural order and tricking gullible, simple-minded females into thinking that they can be happy and lead fulfilling lives even if they don’t have children. 

To these Handmaid’s Tale-ass motherfuckers, there is no such thing as a happy childless woman, only deluded, mentally ill spinsters who have been brainwashed into thinking that their lives might have value and meaning even if they don’t breed. 

They’re so arrogant that they can’t accept the idea that other people make different choices than they do and that’s perfectly fine so they treat the choices of others as unforgivable personal insults. 

Walsh clearly seems to think that Handler is psychotically and nonsensically choosing not to get pregnant, undergo the often difficult and challenging process of carrying a baby inside her for nine months and then literally push another human being out of her body or have it cut out of her solely to spite him and right-thinking men like him. 

There’s also a huge element of infantilizing and condescension to this mindset as well. Their thinking seems to be that women are by definition selfish children who must be molded by their inherently wiser, more mature and adult husbands. 

To these reactionaries you can only become a real woman by having children and becoming a mother. Otherwise you are doomed to be a seventy-year old child leading a worthless existence filled with wine and cats and sex toys and sadness rather than the innocent laughter of happy children, as God wants. 

Here’s the thing. I can vouch from personal experience that being a parent is INCREDIBLY difficult. It’s exhausting. It’s demanding. If you don’t do a good job the consequences are huge. It takes everything you have and more. 

I love being a parent but when I chose to have a second child I was essentially also signing up to be broke, exhausted and overwhelmed for a good two decades. Is it worth it? Yes. It definitely is. But I one hundred percent understand how people could choose to be childless and be overjoyed with the decision. 

There’s undeniably an element of insecurity to Walsh and company’s hatred of the happily child-free. They’re so fragile that they see a stranger’s choice to live their best childless life as an attack on them, their families and their way of lives. 

If these Neanderthals were to admit to themselves, and the world, that being a parent isn’t something that everyone HAS to do in order to be fulfilled or happy or even a functioning adult then they might take a long, hard look in the mirror and wonder whether all of the cost and work and aggravation are worth it or if there are other ways of life that might actually be WAY easier and WAY more fun. You know, like one where you can sleep in whenever you want and have plenty of money lying around because you aren’t paying for the lives of one or more human beings you CHOSE to bring into the world.

I may die with my two sons by my side but I won’t be alone. I’ll also almost undoubtedly have a massive credit card debt (kids are expensive!) 

As for Handler, she won’t die alone either. She’ll have her vast fortune, her fame, her impressive career (I’m not a fan but she is extremely successful by every criteria other than Matt Walsh’s) and what I imagine is a galaxy of famous friends. That, I suspect, might provide just the TINIEST bit of consolation. 

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