Flea and the Transactional Nature of Photographs and Autographs

In a strange, meaningless coincidence, the day after I finished watching the riveting docu-series about Woodstock 99, where a violent riot ensued after closing act Red Hot Chili Peppers decided it would be fun and totally rock and roll to perform “Fire” in a setting where doing so was liable to inspire drunk, high, dehydrated and rage-filled revelers to start fires, I happen to read an article about Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist’s Flea philosophy about taking photographs with fans. 

Responding to a fan, Flea explained via Twitter, “We are always down to talk and chat, (but) asking for a photo ruins it instantly.” 

When a fan asked what was wrong with taking pictures, he responded, “there’s nothing wrong with it. But it ruins having actual conversation. It is a transaction.”

In a sense I understand where Flea is coming from. Asking for a photograph or an autograph from a celebrity DOES instantly change the energy of an interaction between an artist and their fan. 

And it IS a transaction. The fan is asking for, and generally receiving, photographic proof that they met a celebrity and, at the very least, monopolized a very small amount of their time and energy. 

It’s not a one-way transaction, however. The artist gets something out of it as well. It’s good business to keep the fans happy and make them feel like they have a personal connection to you, even if it’s only a matter of standing in the same place for several seconds and taking a selfie that will document that meeting for posterity.

Flea does not want to have a transactional relationship with fans where just because they throw money at him and his awful group in a way that allows them to live like Roman emperors they somehow feel entitled to take a photograph with him. 

No, Flea wants fans liable to shit themselves with nervousness and anxiety over meeting a world-famous Rock and Roll Hall of Famer who is also a household name to leave the phones, markers and pictures behind so that they can have a meaningful conversation about things that really matter and form a deep, soulful spiritual connection. 

Like Principal Skinner, the prospect of unstructured conversations with people I don’t know well terrifies me. One of my biggest anxieties involves not knowing what to say and accidentally falling into an awful world of awkward, uncomfortable silence. 

I suspect that’s true of most people, and that, if given an opportunity to make small talk with one of the most famous rock stars of all time they would freeze the fuck up and not know what to say beyond, “Hey, how about we take a photograph?” 

That said, there HAVE definitely been moments when asking for an autograph ruined the moment. The first time I met “Weird Al” Yankovic was in 1999 when he was touring behind Running With Scissors and made a sacred pilgrimage to the offices of The Onion back when the comedy side and The A.V. Club shared the same space. 

After the show he talked with writers from The Onion and The A.V. Club and I made the mistake of asking him to sign a CD for my nephew Ben. In that moment I could feel the energy shift. I was acting like a fan who wanted something and that made me feel uncomfortable and needy. 

Obviously it didn’t make too much of an impression on Al, because 12 years later he asked me to write his coffee table book and now we are joined at the hip forever due to the many, many books I have written with and/or about him. Poor guy! 

Many years back I went to Los Angeles for the graduation of a cousin of an ex-girlfriend who was quite the up and coming Hollywood big shot. He was so connected that one of the graduation parties we attended was at Henry Winkler’s home since my ex’s cousin was very good friends with Winkler’s son Max. 

The Fonz was a very sweet man who told my ex’s family how much his son loved them and how important they were to him. It was very nice but at some point I ruined it all by telling him how much I loved him on Arrested Development. 

He then shot me a look that silently but powerfully conveyed that he was there as his son’s very proud dad, not as a legendary actor and pop icon. 

So you definitely can ruin an interaction with a famous person by mentioning their fame in a way that makes it impossible to pretend that you’re just people hanging out. 

I should know. I’ve ruined at least two! But as an exceedingly minor literary figure, I am deeply flattered if someone wants my autograph or to take a picture with me. 

Of course I’m not at all famous, so if someone wants a picture or an autograph it’s because they know who I am and dig my life’s work and that means the world to me. Also, unstructured conversations terrify me. They might also terrify you, so while I’m willing to chat, I am totally cool with photographs and autographs because those ARE structured, and happen very quickly and can involve pleasantries without either party being disappointed or confused. 

Not everyone is a good enough conversationalist that they can just start talking to a stranger who happens to be one of the greatest bassists in music history and not have it be awkward as fuck. 

So while I understand where Flea is coming from, he’s also being kind of a dick about the whole thing in a way that’s not really fair to his fans.

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